One day I started a blog, I thought it would be somewhere I could rant about stuff I disliked about the world, empty my brain out of the things that upset me and be somewhere I could pour my heart out when needed. I wasn't wrong, it was all that but it is also somewhere I can smile, play, create, earn and learn too. It is so much more than just a rant dump. It's my voice.
This blog of mine has seen many a different mood. It's seen people come and go, babies born and friends sadly departed. It's been good for me and bad for me. Made me smile and made me cry, but it's also taught me the art of admitting when I'm wrong about something.
Blog/life balance can somehow get a bit crazy in the midst of all things online. Wires are sometimes crossed and opinions are formed without a single understanding of what is really happening behind what you see on the screens. People can be seen as something they're not and feelings can be hurt without you even realising. Here lies where my blog has taught me how to be wrong.
I used to pride myself on reading people on first meeting and not letting other people's opinions effect my own, because I hate that. I used to think that I was a good judge of character. I used to. I don't think I am quite such a master at it now.
Turns out I'm actually quite shit at reading people and I have definitely let other people and things twist my views. I am in fact one of those people who does judge a book by their Facebook cover and I do create issues that aren't there in my head. I can in fact be one of those people who smile and pretend because I don't know who they actually are behind their onscreen mask and that makes me wary.
Life is a confusing mess of contradiction at the moment. I am learning different things about myself every day, things I want to correct and resolve. Such as priding myself on not doing something that it turns out I actually do. My anxiety is at fever pitch trying to work out who, what and if I've done this more often than I've thought I had. Why have I spent so long thinking I'm always right about this type of thing when actually I am obviously often completely wrong.
Now is the time to change that.
Now is time to wipe slates clean, recreate opinions and relearn to not judge what I know nothing about. Now is time to pick up the parts of friendships that were once twisted into an array of misunderstandings. Now is time to meet new people with a new page of my brand new outlook on life. Now is time to be the me I thought I was.
In the craziness that was this weekend, I took a few minutes to sit and actually speak to someone I once thought I didn't have anything in common with. I sat, I listened, I saw passed the beautifully made up face and saw a girl who was crying out for someone to understand she wasn't just an Instagram photo. I saw a different side to the perfectly lit photos she puts up and I finally realised how wrong I was about her. I have always admitted jokingly that it was mainly jealousy because of how perfect her life was and yet after just a few minutes I realised we had more in common than most of the people I already know so much about. It's amazing how much this brief convo has created such a u-turn in my brain and made me realise what a twat I can actually be.
Behind every perfect mummy Instagram photo or Youtube video, is a girl, living a life, being a mum and struggling to create a world in which her blog and life connect, without her privacy and family life being effected. Just because she chooses to not share every step of her day, good and bad, with us like we do, doesn't mean she isn't just as vulnerable in this parental rollercoaster as we are. I respect her choice in this, I have suddenly realised that in parental blogging we can have just that, a choice, it isn't just all or nothing, we can have privacy too.
Sometimes you just need to wipe the mist off the screen and remember that we are all people, and some people can do things in ways in which you don't, but still be just as good, bad and scared of this life as you are.
Life is too short for judgements that aren't factual.
Live, laugh, blog and remember sometimes you can get stuff wrong.