Life As Alice Blog

Blog

5 reasons Hard Wood Floors are sexier than Taylor Momsen

images.jpeg

I've had my wooden floor down for 9 months now (expertly fitted by a lovely friend) and I am not ashamed to say that I bloody love it. A little more than is normal. I do love Taylor Momsen though, Ok so I love her more than I should do too #girlcrush but there are many things about Miss Momsen that only a bloody good rug can beat... 

1 - Hard Wood Floors don't answer back or throw tantrums...

Miss Momsen is well known for her teen angst and diva strops and who can blame her, if I looked like that, had her talent and money, I'd be giving Maria Carey a run for her money too. However, my sexy wood floor does none of these things. It sits there, lets me walk all over it and does exactly what I tell it to do... the only one in this house who actually does tbf.

2 - Hard Wood Floors are smoother than Taylor Momsen's legs...

Ok that is speculation, I bet her legs are silky smooth and sponsored by Wilkinson Sword or something but that is not the point. My floor is so smooth I often find myself stroking it, which is as creepy as it sounds. I don't think I would be able to stroke Taylor's legs without getting excited and I am not that way inclined but I love my smooth wood floor. 

3 - You can lay on a a Hard Wood Floor without it being inappropriate...

Lets face it if you laid down on Taylor you'd be arrested. Some may think it's worth it but I don't agree, it's much sexier to lay on the wood floor and know you can do it wherever and whenever you like, without interruption from mahousive security guards and police. My hard wood floor loves the attention though, it gets hard every time I lay on it.

4 - Hard Wood Floors are cleaner than Taylor Momsen...

Oh come on, look at that face, she is a filthy bitch in many many ways. My sexy floor can be cleaned and stay clean which is in fact like housewife porn in itself. Taylor can have as many baths as she likes and she would never satisfy a housewife the way a hard wood floor does.

5 - You have more chance of getting a hard wood floor into your house...

Like above, unless you want to arrested for luring Miss Momsen into your house under false (or not) pretences I suggest you don't attempt it. If you've paid for her to be there, mate, sort it out that is just creepy! Spend your money wisely and invest in an engineered oak floor instead, I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, you won't regret it.

Stay sexy!


Associated with Rug Mountain


#Sp, HomeAlice Hassall