Tonight I watched as some brave individuals played out their mental illness in a documentary on channel 5, Me and My Mental Illness, and I thought, why is this not me? Why do I hide as much as I do when this is such a large part of my life? The only answer I could come up with... fear.
Since being diagnosed with Bipolar a few years ago, I haven't been quiet about it but I haven't exactly shouted. If asked, I'll tell. If I'm struggling and I have to explain, I'll explain.
I don't know if you remember me, but I am a girl you once knew. You once made a life sized impact on my life for a certain period of time and then a life sized hole where you once stood opened as you disappeared.
I don't recall why or how we drifted apart but I know it was probably something to do with the fact I was a massive dick to you at some point in time.
It's not a secret to those on my social media that I have a real issue with my recent weight gain. I'd love to tell you that I'm confident in my own body but I'm not. I'd love to be one of those people who doesn't care what others see and think but I do. I absolutely hate my body and I'm not ashamed to say it... RAD MORE
This week I will be setting sail on The SML Diet journey back to the old me. I will be starting a VLCD (very low calorie diet) named the Simple Plan with SML and taking you all on my journey via Instagram as I do so.
Blog/life balance can somehow get a bit crazy in the midst of all things online. Wires are sometimes crossed and opinions are formed without a single understanding of what is really happening behind what you see on the screens. People can be seen as something they're not and feelings can be hurt without you even realising. Here lies where my blog has taught me how to be wrong.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar a few years ago I was convinced they had it wrong. I thought that my symptoms were just the depression I'd suffered for most of my life and the mania, well, I thought I was just a spontaneous nut case at times.
I often hear people grumbling about friends not understanding why they can't do everything they used to and how boring people have got now they have children. The case is even more exaggerated when the friend in question has a child with 'needs'. Whether it be physical, mental or medical or a mix of all three, parents with children of 'needs' quite frankly have more to think about than what to have for tea or whether they'll make it to your birthday bash next week.
So I have been hibernating over the summer; you know like a bear or a squirrel does in winter but without the nuts and a bit less snow. Mainly because I'm on new medication that made me sleepy for a while, but also because the kids have been at home with me and the house needed me to hold it's hand throughout the ordeal that is called "the summer holidays".
2014 was the least organised year I have had for quite a while. I left my Post It notes behind me, forgot to do lists and complete lists and generally bodged up organised life as I had come to know it. I have had enough of it, it makes my head burst and my mental health unstable... well more unstable than usual. I need to get on it, get organised and get my routines back on track, so I've fixed myself a house cleaning schedule that fits my needs.